Setting boundaries is a very difficult thing for me to do. I'm not sure why? I guess it's because I don't always trust my own judgement therefore I feel more comfortable having someone else take control of certain situations. When something happens to me, I find it difficult to find the courage to face the issue head on. Also, I struggle with follow up from my threats or promises (this is what always gets me into trouble!). Unfortunately, setting a boundary is not just a one time discussion. It requires a lot of work (I'm tired just thinking about it) and follow through. But here' the thing; I know that if I don't set boundaries, I will get depressed (which is a road I am trying very hard not to go down).
If I have a significant issue with someone I care about, I really try to resolve the matter as soon as possible. First of all, I try to think extensively about the best way to handle the problem (This may take a few days!), if not I will most likely say something out of anger and then regret it. Then, I confront the issue in a calm but assertive manner (of course this is the hardest part). Finally, I have to follow up with any promises I've made regarding the issue (no, I changed my mind, this is the hardest part!) PHEW! My favorite thing to say (in the past) is "one more time and I'm out of here." But I've learned that making these kinds of threats makes my follow through very difficult which enevitebly loses my credibility!
The thing is, I take pride how I take responsibility for my actions. I think I have a pretty good life and I know I have worked damn hard for it! But why is life so hard sometimes? Why does facing these confrontations head on seem so tough? I guess it's just a part of life and how we learn and grow but darn it...I'm exhausted!
So, what does all of this have to do with motherhood? Well, any research on society will show you that a child learns how to deal with their problems mostly from his parents. So, if I choose to confront my problems (with my husband, my daughter's teacher, or even directly with my daughter) in a calm but assertive manner, she will most likely handle her problems in a similar fashion.
Having a child that can eventually stand up for herself and be resilient is something I would really like to teach my child but darn it...I have a lot of work to do!