Getting a baby to sleep well

This is a tough issue! Those sleepless nights start to get really old and it's impossible to know how to survive the anguishing cries of your child at 3am. So, what do you do?

This subject is in hot debate. Rather than focusing on whether to let babies cry it out or not, I decided to focus on how to get kids to sleep well. There are MANY, MANY theories and opinions about what helps a child sleep.
I have researched many articles and ideas about this issue over the past month. I have heard opinions from every day moms (friends at playgroups), well known doctors (Dr. Sears) and authors of the best sleep books (see below). What many of these experts agree is this:
Babies do not sleep like adults. They generally sleep in increments and wake up for reasons related to discomfort, hunger or their own temprament. There are many things you can do to help babies to sleep better but it's unrealistic to expect it consistantly.
When a baby is 0-3 months it's believed that getting babies to start distinguishing day from night can be helpful. Keep the lights off, voices quiet and stimulation to a minimum during nighttime hours. Between 3-5 months babies are often ready for a schedule in which having a bedtime routine such as bath, book, and rocking is thought to be helpful by many parents. Talk to your doctor about feeding schedules, teething and what is best for you and your child. You can also access online resources such as http://www.babywhisperer.com/ and http://www.babycenter.com/. Go onto the message boards on these sites where you can look at what other parents have written for babies your child's age. I thought this was helpful with my daughter so I could get an idea of what was reasonable to expect and what other moms were doing.
Don't expect to ALWAYS know what your child needs. I know how you feel. It feels like you should always be able to soothe your child since you're their mother. That is unrealistic for you and for your baby. Your baby will need to learn self soothing techniques which is a natural part of the human psyche. Pacifiers and thumb sucking can be helpful for a baby to sooth themselves back to sleep. Also, music and white noise machines can imitate the sounds of the womb and be soothing. There are times when these things don't work and you are at your wits end.

Should you let your child cry it out? This approach is also known as the Ferber method. It is a method in which you should let your child cry until they fall asleep. There is research to support both sides of this issue. I am a big believer that a mother should follow her intuition and do what she feels is best (although neither feels good at the time!) What works for one parent might not work for another parent and what worked for one child might not work for the next child. Whatever you decide, remember that babies are extremely resilient and will not be traumatized by your decision. If one method isn't working, try something else. Try to be patient, as the saying goes, "this too shall pass".

Helpful websites: http://www.babycenter.com/, http://www.babywhisperer.com/, http://www.suppernanny.com/

Helpful books: Healthy Sleep habits, happy child by Marc Weissbluth, Nighttime Parenting by Dr. Sears

Other helpful resources: Your pediatrician and other moms. Join a moms group for support.

Being the "Good Enough" parent
It’s so easy to get over whelmed by the tasks at hand when you’re a parent. Weather it’s spending enough time with your child, keeping the house clean, paying the bills on time, keeping a job, providing healthy meals, helping with homework, or being a good wife (or significant other). The list goes on and on of the priorities we have as parents.
There are some days when the dishes pile up, the laundry goes undone, and the floor is a MESS. Ask yourself whats most important? Does that mean you’re a bad mother? Absolutely not! Step back and look at the big picture. Is your child happy? Are you happy? Is the house safe? Are all the bellies fed?We put enormous amounts of pressure on ourselves, often to be let down by unrealistic expectations. We read about omega 3’s, tap water, vaccines, multivitamins, allergies and on and on. We compete with the Jones' and want to give our children the best toys, house or bike. It’s enough to worry us into the grave sometimes. Remember back to when you were a child. Most likely, you will not think back and wish that you’re parent had spent more time on housework or had healthier meals. You probably won’t wish that you had Atari before the other kids. For the most part, to meet a child’s needs is simple. Give them love, keep them safe and provide a nurturing environment. What does being a good parent mean to you? Chances are, you’re child will not go to their therapist as an adult and say, “I really wish my mom would have dusted more” or “My parents should have made sure I went to church every week instead of every other week” (and if they do than their in denial because you’re going to screw up a lot worse that that!!) Enjoy your children. Hug them. Kiss them. Smile at them. Being given the gift of life is one of the most special things that we often take for granted in every day life. Unfortunately, it often takes the loss of a loved one for you to really enjoy what’s in front of you. But it doesn’t need to be that way if we slow down and look around us. Step back and appreciate the joy of parenthood. Look at the beautiful smile on your child’s face and remember that parenthood is a gift.Sometimes, we have to put down our parenting books and say, “I am a good enough parent and that is ok!”

5 ways to make grocery shopping with children easy!

Prepare, prepare, prepare..can't say it enough. Ideally, I would say leave the kids at home! Experts say you will save lots of money (and frustration) by grocery shopping alone. But let's face it, that's not always possible. If you can't leave the kids at home, try these tried and true strategies for success.

1. Use your resources. Some grocery stores offer in store childcare...check into this. If a store has a cool race car attached to the front, let your child "drive the cart".

2. Be prepared. Feed your kids before you go to limit hunger and moodiness. You may want to bring a small snack. Have your kids go to the bathroom before leaving the house. If someone is potty training, know where the bathroom is located in the grocery store and expect that you may have to rush there on a moments notice.

3. Bribery. Well, not really. Everyone responds to earning a reward! It's human nature. Preset your kids with what you expect from them while at the store. If you can, give them a treat like a movie when they get home or take them to the park (if they make good choices). It does not have to be a physical treat! If you make a promise, make sure you can follow through if they are good or the whole plan will fly out the window!

4. Keep them busy. Ask your child to be your "special helper" or keep them entertained with a grocery store game. This can be something like having them look for items, having them add up the prices (bring a calculator) or having them help put things in the cart. Kids love to have a special job and the way you present it can be especially enticing!!

5. Shop quickly. Consider the expectations you are putting on your child. A 2 hour grocery shopping trip is almost impossible for any child!! If at all possible, just get a few things until a time when you can shop alone.

Teaching children respect

1. Define what respect means to you and your significant other.
People have very different definitions of respect, so being on the same page with your co-parent will help you to parent as a team. Although you may not agree on everything, compromise and decide on consequences together. If something is really important to you (ex. wanting your older child to say, "nice to meet you") don't give in. But you may need to let other things slide, so be flexible.

2. Make age appropriate expectations.
You can't expect very small children to shake hands and say "nice to meet you", but they can expect them to smile and say "hi" or "wave" depending on their age and abilities. You may have to meet them half way but don't give in completely. Showing a stranger respect is an important and essential tool in order for your child to communicate effectively with others. You know your child best, so be reasonable about expectations. Remember, you're not doing them any favors by giving them an excuse such as, "oh, they are being shy". If your child is shy or nervous, help them to feel comfortable by explaining to them that it's OK to feel shy around new people, but you still have to be respectful. There are many great books at the library about meeting new people and what to expect from a stranger. Sometimes, kids will hear something on t.v about "stranger danger" and they may be confused when you introduce them to new people.

2. Be consistent. Explain to your children your expectations and consequences. Car rides are a great chance to talk to your child because they won't be too distracted. Just keep it simple and don't go overboard (or you will loose them completely!) If you tell your child that it's not OK to curse (for example) but then you let it slide or laugh when they say it, you are giving mixed messages. Also, if you say, "we won't come here anymore if you act that way", make sure that you can fulfil that threat or they won't take you seriously.

4. Set a good example. Like it or not, everything you do is setting an example. If you treat your child and significant other with respect, they will follow suite. If you scream at them and point in their face in public, they will not feel respected, and in turn will do the same thing to you or others.

Everyone makes mistakes and has yelled at your spouse or yelled at your child inappropriately, the important thing is to follow up with your child and explain to them that you made a mistake and that you are sorry for what you did. They will respect you more if they think you are willing to acknowledge your mistakes and that you are not perfect.

Are you a classy mom?

What does it take to be a classy mom?
Being classy is more than just appearance. It's about grace, elegance, and sophistication. Here are a few ideas.

1. Be kind.
You will not look classy screaming at your kid in Target! Use your manners with your children and discipline them appropriately. Explain to them what they did wrong and give consequences. Show them kindness by being respectful and courteous to others.
Be a good listener. If you talk about yourself and your experiences too much it can come off as pompus. Noone likes a "know it all". You can't listen and talk at the same time, so zip your lip and listen to what others have to say...you just might learn something!

2. Be generous
Give back to those in need as well as your community. Donate money or time to a good cause. Remember that generosity doesn't necessarily mean giving "things". Sometimes, it's best to give someone support, love and resources and let them find their own way.

3. Look good
Although being classy isn't just about how you look, lets face it..it is important! Everyone has days when they don't get out of their sweatpants or the comfy maternity shirt (that they should have given away after they had their baby!) Although this is necessary on some days, don't make a habit of it! If your heading out (or even if your not!), put on nice jeans, a cute top and some high heeled boots. At the very least, curl your eyelashes (brightens up tired eyes), apply some blush, and throw on some lip gloss. Take a moment to check out the latest styles FOR YOUR AGE. Don't get caught up in wearing something too trendy, it will make you look like your trying to hard and may not be appropriate (i.e. mini skirts and side ponytails). The truth is, when you look good, you will feel better about yourself.

4. Be confident

Don't compare yourself to the mom that always looks like she has it all together in your playgroup. No one has it ALL together so give yourself a break and relax! Be genuine. The classy mommies in Hollywood (Jennifer Garner and Gwenyth Paltrow come to mind) are considered classy because they are real. They are often seen playing with their kids, getting dirty, and showing affection. Enjoy your children and appreciate the joy they bring. Finally, if you truly feel good about yourself, others will think that they should feel good about you too!! Smile and enjoy the wonderful gift of motherhood!

For many more tips and ideas...check out http://www.classymommy.com/!! I love this site! If you don't see this link, drag your cursor over it and click to go to the link!

5 ways to play with your baby

Babies are so fun! But you have probably found out by now, that most babies don't play with toys very much. Instead, they like playing with things that you have around the house and are easily entertained by peoples facial expressions (you!)
Here's some ideas for helping you to play with your baby!
1. Read a book while your baby is in the high chair. Once your baby is old enough to sit nicely in a high chair (or booster seat), they will sit nicely for a short book. I read to Siena while she is eating her snack and she is much more attentive then when we are sitting on the floor!
2. Silly, Silly, Silly. Can't say it enough! Throw your inhibitions out the window and get silly. Babies love exaggerated expressions such as an exaggerated sneeze or laugh. At 4 months, Siena loved when I shook my head back and forth letting my hair swing all around. Now she loves when I play peek a boo! Use your imagination and make up something!
3. Dance. Pick up your child and dance around the room. Mix in some spins and squat low.
4. Let your child take the toys out of the baskets herself. I used to get toys out for Siena and then realized she liked the activity of taking them out more than actually playing with them!
5. Exercising. Believe it or not, doing exercises while your child is in a bouncy seat or using them as a weight is a great way of keeping them entertained. You probably won't get much of a workout but your child will enjoy watching you! I used to squat and jump (front to back) when Siena was in her bouncy chair. You can also do sit ups with them on your lap. I am going to do a video blog with some demonstrations but in the meantime, you can use your creativity to make this work on your own! You can do it Mom!!!

Encouraging children to make good choices

When correcting a child's behavior, it is important to encourage them to make good choices. Your child is who he is because of all the many choices he makes. If you label your child, it will be very easy for them to live up to that expectation. If your child does not seem very motivated, for example, never tell them they are lazy. Instead, point out that the choice they are making is not one that is going to get something done. If you call them lazy, they will fulfil that expectation and act lazy. If you tell them that they are responsible but not making a very good choice, they will begin to act responsible and hopefully make better choices.
Think about your own motivation. If someone is telling you that you are smart and talented, you will be much more motivated to do a good job. Children respond the same way and need encouragement through praise and support.

Keeping the core of the family in tact

One of the best pieces of advice I was given when we had our daughter, was to always put each other first. The parents are the core of the family. When you put your child ahead of the two of you things will start going in a different direction.
I love this advice because it reminds me of the importance of teamwork between my husband and I. Our marriage is what started this family and it is the foundation that we need to build upon for our family to grow. Keeping this in mind, we often show each other romance (physically and emotionally) and set frequent date nights. It only makes sense that children will show respect to you and others if they see love and respect between their parents in the home.

5 ways to get over the post holidays winter slump!!

Ugh...after the holidays can be rough! The excitement of Christmas morning, holiday parties, baking cookies with the kids, shopping like a crazy person, and all the other fun stuff that comes along with the holidays! It's bitter cold and we have only begun winter! Ugh!

Well, I challenge your "after the holidays slump" and encourage you to enjoy this time of year! I used to always say, "I am NOT a morning person!" and I lived up to my own expectations and was miserable every morning! Until one say I said, "why do I keep telling myself to be miserable in the mornings?" Don't get me wrong...I am not super cheery and energetic in the mornings now, but I do look forward to them! I am learning to embrace the moments in my day and look on the bright side. Every morning I have alone time with my daughter until she goes down for her nap and then have some quiet time to myself. This is a good thing and there will be a day when I miss these moments!



The winter time is a great time for quiet moments and self reflection. Take a moment every morning to take a deep breath, enjoy what's around you and pray to God (or whatever you believe in!) Picture how you want your day to be. Make it productive!!



1. Schedule times when you get together with friends (happy friends) OFTEN! Sometimes, time slips away if we don't schedule something so plan ahead, especially if you are at home with kids all day long!

2. Open up the blinds and let the sunshine in. The says are so short and we need all the sunshine we can get! Better yet, bundle up and get out for a walk!

3. Reorganize. Go through closets and get rid of things. It can be rejuvenating to let go of old junk and clutter! Experts agree that starting small is the way to go. Tell yourself that you're just going to spend a half hour on going through paperwork (for example). The key is getting started!!

3. Set some goals (see my goal setting article for more information!). The new year is a great chance for a fresh start and new outlook. Take advantage of the many choices that are available to you for succeeding in life. What do you want for the new year and how are you going to get it? PS. Rome wasn't built in a day...take baby steps!!

4. Exercise! Many people put weight on in the winter but many people do not. Which one are you going to be?? It's up to you!!


5. If possible, plan a trip to a warm place so you have something to look forward to! Download a picture of a relaxing, sunny place to your screen saver!

If you are having trouble for an extended period of time, seek help. Seasonal Affective Disorder is very real. There are many ways to treat it in order to help you feel like you can cope with everyday life again. Check out this website or seek professional help.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195

Disciplining Children using Creativity

My martial arts training has taught me to be flexible and forgiving in many situations. I have learned in my martial arts training that if you become stiff when an object hits you, you are more likely to sustain an injury. If you relax upon impact, a body part will be more forgiving and less likely to break or be damaged.

I know what you are thinking, "what's this have to do with disciplining my children?"

It's simple. Parents get into confrontations with their child and demand something to be exactly as they command. Well, children should obey, right? Yeah, well, that philosophy doesn't always work the way we anticipate! Allow me to explain...

A child's brain has not yet developed effective problem solving skills to handle many situations. They need a lot of direction and we can expect that there are times when they question authority. Questioning authority is a good thing (although it can drive us crazy!) By doing this, they develop their confidence and learn to navigate through their world.

Children should listen to their parents and be respectful, right? Yes, but there are times when YOU need to be creative in your problem solving skills to get the outcome you desire.

Here's an example. My friend tells a story about a time when he wanted to "run away" when he was a child. His mother said "OK, you can run away... just don't leave the yard!". My friend remembers going into the yard and then saying to himself, "what do I do now?" and returning to the house. We laugh about this story now, but in reality, his mother was very clever in the way that she disciplined using creativity.

Here's another example. If a child says they don't want to eat a veggie that's on their plate, you can say "OK, you don't have to eat ALL your peas, but you have to eat 4 bites since you are 4 years old." This changes the focus off the argument and onto fun by counting their spoonfuls.


Creativity is a very effective tool when disciplining your child. You may think that you do not have this skill, but it is a skill that anyone can acquire. Practice makes perfect. Sometimes, if you prepare to be a step ahead and plan for difficult situations, you can brainstorm ways to handle the situations before problems arise.

When you find yourself getting angry by your child's choices, take a deep breath and try to think outside of the box. Ask yourself if there is another route to get to your destination. You are a smart, capable adult that can handle the situation in a calm but assertive manor. Remember, the second you loose your patience, you've lost the war (which happens to all of us at times!) Try to use the skills I mentioned here to manage the situation in a different way to get the result you want.

Mastering the art of discipline is a challenging task. There ARE times when a child's behavior requires immediate consequences. However, insisting that your child obey EVERYTHING you say is unrealistic and will set you up for failure. By using creativity, you can set boundaries and yet still diffuse the situation and allow your child the freedom to learn on his or her own. Developing these skills will not only help you avoid disastrous situations but also build trust and respect between you and your child.

5 tips to enjoy the Simple Pleasures

1. Embrace whatever it is you do. If you are dreading making dinner (for instance), try to think of a way to embrace it for your liking. Find a great recipe with a food you really enjoy. After you finish making the food, savor the taste!!
2. Play with a child (preferably yours!)
3. Pay attention to your sensory experiences - When taking a shower (for instance), appreciate the warmth of the water, the smell of the soap, the break from everyday life, the sounds of water flowing and the feeling of a clean body. Breathe deeply. Inhaling all the positive energy and exhale into a relaxing state.
4. Give yourself a pat on the back (or compliment) when you accomplished something (even if it's something little) We constantly tell our kids when they are doing a good job...what about you?!
5. Lift your head up and smile. Its amazing what this simple practice can do for the soul!

Surrounding yourself with healthy people!

If you were to ask many successful people in this world, they would tell you that surrounding yourself with positive people is essential for success. What healthy means can be different to different people. I am not the position to say who is healthy and who is not. But I do know that having people around you that have the same goals as you is empowering.
People naturally surround themselves with people that they feel comfortable with.

If you want to quit smoking (for example), it will be easier to quit if the people you are with are not smoking. This doesn't mean you should alienate yourself from a friend that smokes but it does mean asking them not to smoke around you if you are trying to quit. If they care about you than they will be willing to respect your wishes or else spend less time with this person.
If you find yourself having a negative attitude about things in your life, really try to be around people that are encouraging and supportive. If you are with people that are attaining the goals that you want, you will be reminded that you too can accomplish those goals!

Great cookbooks for keeping it simple!

Martha Stewart has a cookbook that is for simple cooking. What could be better than learning the best simple recipes from the cook or all cooks!
http://shop.marthastewart.com/Everyday-Food-Great-Food-Fast/A/0307354164.htm. This was given a 4.5 stars out of 5 from readers and is only $16.47.
And if thats not enough, Rachel Ray has a 30 minute cookbook for kids meals!
http://www.amazon.com/Kid-Food-Rachael-30-Minute-Meals/dp/1891105221/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262019300&sr=1-1 this is only $9.32.
This was rated 3.5 stars out of 5 on amazon.com

Showing your kids the real priorities in life!

Life gets so busy and it's sometimes unclear what's REALLY important.
Every time my husband and I depart from each other, we kiss and say I love you.
It occurred to me just how important this is to me and our family. This little ritual reminds us of what's important and what's a priority. There's nothing that can't wait for you to greet your loved ones and show them some love when you walk in the door. Sharing eye contact and exchanging a kiss is a great way to remind each other that you are loved. After a long day (crying babies, poopy diapers, and no interaction with other adults!), seeing my husband's smile and friendly greeting makes me feel the warmth that marriage and family bring to my life.
Even when we are going through a rough patch where you and your loved ones are not exactly seeing eye to eye, it's still important to say "I love you". In a busy, hectic world, these small gestures are ways of reminding each other what's important and setting an example to your children of what you find a true priority in your life.

Teaching kids manners during the holidays

It can be nerve racking going to a family gathering and hoping your kids will be appreciative and use their manners. Preset your kids before going to the gathering and let them know what your expectations are. It's important that they understand that even if it's something they don't like, they should still use good manners, say thank you and show appreciation.
You can play "the manner game" to get your kids ready for showing their manners. Have your kids find things throughout the house and give a present to each other. When they open the gift(even if it's toilet paper), they must say thank you and something nice about it. This is a fun way to get your kids ready for the holidays!! Make using manners fun and of course praise them when they do a good job!

Teaching the value of giving during the holidays

If you want your children to appreciate the things they get during the holidays, have them donate a used toy for each one they get. This will teach them the value of giving, not just getting.

Baby product reviews

I have tested many baby products and come up with some conclusions and ideas to SIMPLY life with a baby.

1. I LOVE the baby food snack containers. They are essential for formula when you are on the go and cheap (usually $5-$10). As your child gets older you can continue to use this for snacks. Available at Babies r us.

2. The Fresh fruit feeders are great! You can put veggies, fruit or even meat into these mesh bags and your baby will enjoy sucking and biting as you relax knowing that they will not choke on pieces that are too big. The best part is that they are easy to clean and I can give it to my daughter while I'm making food or cleaning up and it keeps her occupied. I like the Munchkin brand which is $7.49 for 2. I wish I would have started using these sooner since it can be used starting at 6 months!

3. A practical (but cute) diaper bag is a must. This diaper bag has many compartments plus a storage bag for your diapers and one for your food and bottles. You DO NOT want to have food spill at the bottom of your diaper bag-it sucks! A special bag is perfect to take out and put back in! As much as I love things that make life simple, don't skimp on style momma! You still need to feel in style while sporting that big ol bag around! Get this diaper bag for best of both worlds! http://www.diaperbagboutique.com/OiOi-6151-OJ1075.html

4. Oxyclean - you gotta have this!! This is a must for keeping baby clothes clean. It has saved many clothes that I would have thrown out! You can get this product at Babies r us or Walmart. It costs $10.00 online. I recommend the powder kind and the large tub lasts forever!http://greatcleaners.com/Products/OxiClean

5. Snap n go stroller by baby trend - This stroller is ideal for when you are going anywhere that doesn't require a cart (the mall, the gym, or a small restaurant). Even though you will only need if for the time when your baby is small enough to be in the infant carrier, it is a great product to have. It's name suits it well since it is very easy to get in and out of the car without a fight (or breaking your back!). You can buy this product at Babies r us or Target. Suggested retail $59.99.

How to make a classy party look simple

Weather you are hosting a family dinner during the holidays, having a party, or even if you want to make your house look festive, here are some cheap and easy tips to get you going.

1. Decorate your entrance way. It is the first thing your guests will see and it doesn't take much to make it look fabulous. Take a planter from your porch, put some greens around it and even some christmas lights to make it look festive.

2. Dress up your table. Put ornaments in any tall vases or unique glassware you have laying around to add a festive flare. Use a martini glass for a dip or cocktail sauce. A wreath (fake or real) around the base of a punch bowl adds a great touch as well.

3. White Christmas lights and candles always add a nice soft touch to your elegant evening. Both are cheap and easy!!

4. Don't plan on making more than a few recipes that you have to bake since you only have one oven! (Sometimes you can substitute the microwave)

5. Don't go crazy trying to make fancy dishes. They take too much time and people usually just want the old faithful party food. Here is a list that Simply Siena gathered from a poll of what people said they wanted most at a party. You will be surprised that they aren't extravagant!

Pigs in a blanket

Spinach dip

Buffalo chicken dip

Guacamole

Pizza

and anything with cheese!

6. Plan your time well. Part of being a good host (or hostess) is also spending a good amount of time with guests. If you are still in the kitchen when guests arrive, designate someone to sit with them while you prepare last minute details.

7. Finally, enjoy yourself! Having fun is contagious! You set the mood for your party, so find some time to relax and enjoy all your work!!

Setting your goals for the new year

So, you've thought about your goals and what's important you. Now it's time to make it happen! It's simple. If it's something you WANT to happen, you will MAKE it happen. That simply!

In 2007, I started this exercise and I've been using it ever since. This exercise was taught to me by Mr. Stuart Bryant, owner of Mr. Stuarts Martial Arts. Every single goal I've set, I've made happen!! My goals included findng Mr. Right, getting married, starting a family, getting my black belt, loosing ten pounds, and making a certain amount of money from my job. The important thing is being real with yourself and accepting the challenge. Saying it out loud and taking steps toward your goals. I love this saying. "Seldom does an individual exceed his own expectations." - author unknown.

So, lets get started...


1. Set your goals. Be realistic but don't underestimate yourself. If you want to be an astranaut, set goals to make steps toward that dream.

2. State your goals. Say it out loud. Write it down. This helps to make it concrete.

3. Keep it SIMPLE. Choose your top 3 goals and write them down. Then write the steps you will make in the next three days, three months and three years. Try not to think too much about it or you might talk yourself out of something you really want (for example, "oh, I will never be able to get my PhD".

4. Visualize. Close your eyes and picture yourself doing the things you will create in your goals.
5. Line up your support. As humans, we need support in order to succeed. If we create a loving and caring support system of people who believe in us we will find a way to make it a reality.

6. Make it happen. That's it. It's SIMPLE!